Often, I experienced terrible pain
Several years ago, I often experienced terrible pain all over my body. So terrible that it is difficult to describe. I was popping pain pills like candy and was so frustrated and angry that all of this was happening to me. Depression and exhaustion quickly settled in.
I was unable to accomplish even the most simple tasks when these uncontrollable events came about. This quickly escalated when, one day I found myself lying on the floor in a fetal position, painful in the worst way, not able to stand up or even call for help. I was gasping for air, unable to raise my voice or even crawl out of the room.
That was scary! We say in Germany “I hit the ground of the well.” Yet, upon reflection, that was the moment of my new beginning.
Now, years later, I see it as a kind of awakening. Something had to change. My back against the wall.
I was seen by one doctor after another. They all found something but none of them found a solution. I had a cluster of symptoms, possibly caused by many possible reasons. The doctors called it idiopathic, or “arises spontaneously or causes unknown”. Hence my frustration.
It was recommended to undergo hormone therapy. What I call “artificial menopause”. Not an option for me. My wedding was right around the corner and I wanted to have children.